As experience shows, it’s easier to fool somebody on a regular day, rather than on April 1st. Christmas gift Dear Santa, Please do not leave my gift under the Christmas tree. Drive it straight into the garage. Christmas tree – I left my girlfriend a Christmas gift under the Christmas tree. The forest is large, lots of trees Santa Claus Santa Claus comes to a psychiatrist and says: The most scary thing about Halloween is that shops have already started selling Christmas goods. Hope you had a better Monday than George Clooney’s unmarried exes. Clearly it must be a budget. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack.
21 Jokes So Stupid They’re Actually Funny
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
I love good jokes, everyone does. How do we know good jokes? People say it over and over again, we share it among our friends, good jokes make you laugh out loud, most times uncontrollably. That is exactly the kind of jokes that we have for you. Dirty, clean and short jokes that will crack you up.
Please rate funny short jokes by clicking on smiles, so funniest jokes will be also best jokes on our web site! If you rate joke, joke rating and position will change.. Their standard ballpoint pens would not work in space. They spent a decade and twelve million dollars designing a pen that would work below three hundred degrees, in space, and on glass. Russia used a pencil. School jokes The Teacher says to the class: Johnny, do you really think that you are stupid?
No Mrs, I just thought that maybe you are lonely being the only one standing. Family jokes A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, “I did some homework. The son says, “Ok, Ok, I was at a friend’s house watching movies.
Mom laughs and says, “Well, he certainly is your son.
Funny New Year’s Jokes
Loads of Funny and Crude Jokes Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? The longer you play with them, the harder they get. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn’t?
Humour (British English), also known as humor (American English; see spelling differences) is the tendency of experiences to provoke laughter and provide term derives from the humoral medicine of the ancient Greeks, which taught that the balance of fluids in the human body, known as humours (Latin: humor, “body fluid”), controlled human health and emotion.
The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike. Allan shouted across the garage, ‘Hey Doc can I ask you a question? Allan straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, ‘So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open hearts, take valves out, fix’em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I work for a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?
When he was called in to see the doctor, Adam slowly got up, and, grasping his cane and hunching over, slowly made his way into the examining room. After only a few minutes, Adam emerged from the room, walking completely upright. Paul, another patient who had watched him hobble into the room all hunched over, stared in amazement. Ronan kept going to the ophthalmic doctor because his eye hurt and the doctor finally discovered his problem. The Doc told him, ‘Your eye hurts when you drink tea, so you can’t drink tea.
A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa.
Loads of Funny and Crude Jokes
Best jokes ever The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words, she thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more that one syllable. Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words? After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday. Great Jane that has two syllables, Mon I do, I do, me me me replied Johnny.
An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him. The older a woman gets, the stronger her libido gets and the older a man gets, the weaker his libido gets An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar.
This is not true of younger women or drag queens. An older woman is into free sex! The last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent lover! Older women are more honest. A young woman will say nothing, just in case it means you might break up with her. An older woman will never get pregnant and then suddenly demand that the two of you get married.
In fact, if you impregnate an older woman, you will probably be the last to know Older women have jobs with dental plans. An older woman will never accuse you of “using her.
160 Best Funny Short Jokes
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband 2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me. Husband 3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up.
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Do U like Sex? How many times do U have it in a week? A condom told a PAD fuck u. U always stop my business for a week, the PAD replied yeah! Becos when u fuck up ,I loose my job for 9 months.. How do you breathe through that thing? Banana and a Penis An apple, a banana and a penis got into an argument one day. People take one bite of me and throw me on theground. People take off my clothes, eat my insides and leave myclothes on the floor. You try having people sticking you in dark, wet caves,putting bags over your head, messaging you for hours and making you do push-ups until youthrow up!
When they get their, the farmer comes out of the barn, and offers them a room for one night. You can sleep with my 18 duaghters. I jumped from hole, to hole, to hole.
Loads of Funny and Crude Jokes
At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket. They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them.
Loads of Funny and Crude Jokes. Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get. Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn’t?
How do we know good jokes? People say it over and over again, we share it among our friends, good jokes make you laugh out loud, most times uncontrollably. That is exactly the kind of jokes that we have for you. Dirty, clean and short jokes that will crack you up. Some might sound stupid and lame but within, you find the humour that you need. There were two peanuts walking down a dark alley, one was assaulted. How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it. What did the 0 say to the 8? Why did the orange stop? Because, it ran outta juice.
Loads of Funny and Crude Jokes
Golf and Public Restroom Similarities Keep your back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart. Form a loose grip. Keep your head down.
These jokes are flirty and funny. They can show the woman you are interested in your sense of humor and flatter her as well. Beautiful eyes, an incredible body, a big brain, a sexy mouth, a nice smile… but enough about me, tell me about you. When you send a woman this flirty text joke, you are showing that you are confident and sure of yourself. You are also able to tell her about some of your best qualities.
It is so cute! Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don’t have eyes.